Rule No.3: Ghost or be Ghosted - There is No in Between

PSA: Ghosting sucks, but it's not going away anytime soon.

When it comes to ghosting, nobody is entirely blameless. That guy from the bar ghosted you. You ghosted someone from hinge. I ghosted this blog for a month (I went on vacation, let me live). But, for the sake of the fans, I spent my sabbatical building a case file on all things ghosting. In the court of dating, there are misdemeanors - late replies, bad vibes - and then there are felonies. Ghosting after real emotional or physical connection? That’s life without parole. And yes, men seem to specialize in it. 

I've been a victim of this crime more times than I'd care to admit, but my repeated exposure has allowed me to recognize a pattern. Every time I'm out with a guy and I think to myself, "Wow, he actually seems normal," he vanishes like he's in the witness protection program. I'm talking crazy chemistry, great conversation, same vibes, and then...poof. 

Just a month ago, I matched with this guy Eric on Hinge. He was checking boxes out of the gate: cute, down-to-earth, and easy to talk to. He was also a bit older than me, which felt like a win - I was tired of dealing with immaturity. Since I was brand new to the area and had zero weekend plans, I agreed to meet for a drink. We met at a popular bar and immediately hit it off. One drink turned into a couple, and before I knew it, he was giving me a personal tour of Key West's best nightlife. 

I swear I was in the montage scene of a rom-com. We danced, sang terrible karaoke, talked for hours while people-watching on a rooftop, and ended the night by jumping into a pool fully clothed.

He dropped me off just before sunrise, gave me one of those "I can't wait to see you again" lines, and flashed that weird, lingering smile that guys do after saying goodbye. Either way, the night was an absolute win in my books. 

And then... nothing.

I lingered in the silence for two days before finally texting him. He responded four days later. I responded four days after that. And then I never heard from him again.

At his big age?

That whirlwind of confusion that comes with being ghosted can very quickly twist into gut-wrenching insecurity. After the first or second time it happened to me, I obviously concluded that I was ugly, had a terrible personality, and that no one was telling me because they felt bad. But by the fourth or fifth guy who told me he’d “never met someone like me” before evaporating into thin air, I realized: this is not a me problem. 

So, you may be wondering, why do they do this? Is it fear of commitment? Poor communication? The Taxi Cab Theory? My answer: girl idk. I'd rather not spend my life trying to decode the complexities of the male brain, I have things to do.

The truth is, we'll never find a satisfying answer. There is no cheat code on How To Never Be Ghosted Again™, because it's not a puzzle that needs solving. It's a SIGN. If someone is meant for you, they won't ghost you, no matter how busy they are, how “bad at texting” they claim to be, or whether Mercury is in retrograde. 

These little freaks who ghost you? They’re doing you a favor. They’re weeding themselves out of your life early, showing you who they are before they’re in a position to hurt you worse. He ghosted you after four solid dates? Great! Better he vanished now than when you’re standing at the altar wondering where the hell the groom went.

Remember Eric, the star of my rom-com montage? The other night, I was scrolling mindlessly when I saw it: a one-year anniversary post. With his GIRLFRIEND. I was the montage. She was the movie. Thank God I never heard from him again. His girlfriend, though? She definitely heard from me.

All in all, ghosting sucks. It’s confusing, painful, and wildly unfair. But it’s never a reflection of your worth, it’s a reflection of their emotional capacity. So, let them go quiet. You’re too busy living your amazing and cool life. 

Just don't be surprised when he circles back six months from now with a couple Instagram story likes and a “hey stranger”. Leave him on read, as the ghosting gods intended. 

All of this ghosting talk is making me depressed, so next time we're switching gears with Rule No.4: Wake Up Early, Go to Sleep Late. We’ll dive into how to squeeze every last drop out of your day, without losing your mind in the process.

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