Rule No.6: Abolish Modern Dating

It's not me, it's you.

Have you ever had an interaction with a man that was so absurd you briefly wondered if you were being pranked? Same. I used to think my dating experiences were isolated, and I was somehow cherry-picking crazies out of a crowd, until I decided to conduct an experiment. 

QUESTION: Am I romantically doomed, or is modern dating just that bad?

RESEARCH: I happen to have direct access to a group of the kindest, funniest, smartest, sexiest girls on earth. So, as any good scientist would, I dropped a shared note into the group chat and asked them to document the most unhinged things they've experienced while dating in the modern age. 

The findings were... extensive. The resulting data set reads like a novel-length compilation of horrifying, hilarious, semi-legal, and entirely baffling behavior. For the sake of public consumption, I whittled it down to the stories that best represent the lunacy that is dating in 2026. 

REPORT: 

Data Set #1: Oops You Shouldn't Have Seen That
  • A guy I liked spent the night at my house. While I was in the bathroom he called his ex girlfriend and begged for her back. I overheard the entire conversation. 
  • I was watching a movie with a guy I was dating for 6+ months on his laptop. He got an iMessage notification that said "Is she sleeping over" from another girl. 
  • I found the man I was exclusively seeing on the "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Facebook page for my city. He had several hits. 
Data Set #2: The Audacity is Frightening
  • Minutes after telling me he cheated on me, my boyfriend bought us Ed Sheeran tickets. He cheated again a month later. I never saw Ed Sheeran. 
  • I was bawling crying (like couldn't breathe) telling my boyfriend about my feelings. He stopped me dead in my tracks to tell me that Potbelly, our local dive bar, was closing. We called it Potbelly Gate.
  • My neighbor was dog sitting while I was out of town. When I returned, he refused to give my dog back unless I would let him do DRUGS off my BODY. I had to break into his apartment to get my dog.
Data Set #3: Are We Children?
  • I drove 2.5 hours to surprise my boyfriend with cake, balloons, and all of the alcohol for his birthday party. He pouted the whole night. The next day he proceeded to ask me why I didn't get him a birthday gift. 
  • A grown man snuck out of my bed before I woke up, and later DM'd me on Instagram saying that his mom was very upset that he hadn't made it home to her.
  • I started a new job and immediately got close with a coworker. We hung out regularly until he casually mentioned that there was a bet among the guys at work to see who could hook up with me first, and he intended to get his money.
Data Set #4: Men Ruining Holidays
  • I walked in on my situationship hooking up with another girl IN MY BED on my 18th birthday.
  • We were celebrating 4th of July on the sandbar and the guy I came out on the boat with took a different girl home. He left me in the ocean. 
  • I got dumped on graduation night because I went to an afterparty with my friends that he was invited to but chose not to attend. 
Data Set #5: Overarching Themes
  • Men saying "I love you" but being unable to commit to a relationship. 
  • Situationship legal loopholes: avoiding accountability for being horrible because "we weren't even dating."
  • Being left on the side of the road - this theme was almost unanimous (??) and highly concerning.
CONCLUSION: If any of these stories hit close to home, congratulations: you're not crazy! Modern dating really is that bad. Frankly, it's an extreme sport. But, hopefully this collection of stories proves that the problem isn't you, it's the system. Somewhere along the way, we normalized behavior that would've ended relationships 10 years ago. At this point, dating is less about romance and more about surviving increasingly weird encounters with your heart in tact. 

The takeaway? Trust your instincts, keep your standards high, and know that being single isn't a personal failure. It's much better than being stuck in a relationship with someone who's just not right for you. Or someone that actively hates you. I've seen it all. 

If the rumors are true, the right person is out there somewhere. Life isn't a race, and we're all navigating the same insane system. When things get rough, the only option is to take the hit, cry about it, laugh about it, and keep going. 

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